Post by Victoria on Dec 11, 2006 22:40:11 GMT
Just when things seemed they couldn't get any worse...
(more or less)101 Things You Don't Want to hear your Magic Sidekick Say....
1.“Was that rune inscribed on the cage important?”
2.“Want some help?”
3.“Could you come down here? I mean, _now_?”
4.“Quick! How does one _unsummon_ a demon lord?”
5.“I wonder what does this do…”
6.“Remember that fiend overlord you _had_ imprisoned down in the cellar? Well…”
7.“Oooops…!”
8.“Was I supposed to light the candles around the pentagram?”
9.“I finally shot that owl that had been following you around.”
10.“HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!!”
11.“How do you control something once it gets out of the pentagram?”
12.“The warding circle for this demon wasn’t continuous before, was it?”
13.“What happens if I mix these two together?”
14.“How was I supposed to know she was a succubus?”
15.“You don’t happen to have a “Instant Banishment” as part of your secondary pool power, do you?… Oh, no reason…”
16.“Uh-ho…”
17.“Did I err?”
18.“But you didn’t tell me I COULDN’T do that!”
19.“Hey, I bet I can do that better than you can!”
20.“Study? I’m too good for that!”
21.“When do I get to make things go BOOOOOOOMM?”
22.“Oh, that component was worth THAT much?”
23.“Work? Why? I summoned your demon archvillain to do it!… Of course I had to erase the pentagram! What do you think I am, an idiot?”
24.“But this was supposed to be foolproof!”
25.“I don’t understand!”
26.“Hey, you do you think you are, my teacher?”
27.“Master, I kinda forgot to feed your familiar.”
28.“Those books do burn!”
29.“Uhh… you know that nubile virgin you brought in last night? Well, we started talking and… uhhh… one thing led to another…”
30.“What’s in this bottle? *POP* Uhhh… uh-ho…”
31.“Master is it pronounced ‘HAStur HAStur HAStur’ or ‘HasTUR HasTUR HasTUR’?”
32.“Oh, I threw it away.”
33.“Catch!”
34.“Umm… you might not want to go in the basement…”
35.“Remember how you told me not to lie anymore? Well, Azuria dropped by to say hello. I told her you said she was a talentless bag of wind. She wants to meet you tomorrow at Warburg.”
36.“Psst, Master… I forgot to mention that my robes dragged off some of the chalk on the five-pointed star that the Fiend Overlord is standing on now…”
37.“Did you ever wondered what black cats tasted like? *BURP*”
38.“Sir, you will be pleased with what I have just done. I have sent all those old and dusty tomes to the recycling centre!”
39.“But Master, I did my best to make you unseen during the Circle of Thorns ritual with my Grant Invisibility! How would I know I could just affect your clothes?”
40.“Master, uh, you know your alchemy lab? How much do you suppose it would cost to get a new one?”
41.“Oh, THAT was your familiar??”
42.“I thought this ritual required a five-pointed star.”
43.“There is a Dark Paladin to see you, sir.”
44.“There was a tiny pesky flying lizard around here, but I put out poisoned meat for it…”
45.“You mean the bottle actually was… ahem… Sir, please insert your index finger in your mouth…”
46.“Swallow a goldfish? ALIVE?”
47.“Uhh, Master, sorry to disturb your ritual-writing. You wouldn’t possibly have seen my bottle of invisible ink, would you?
48.(Loudly) “WHAT AN ILLUSION, MASTER! INFERNAL WILL *NEVER* FIGURE THAT OUT!”
49.“I managed to learn Team Flight, sir. Now, without you looking down, could you tell me how to control it?”
50.“I shall make sure my Blazing Aura is not activated before touching Master… I shall make sure my Blazing Aura is not activated before touching Master… I shall make sure…”
51.“Uhh, sorry for falling asleep, Master. Now, could you do that ritual ONE more time?”
52.“Hey… where’d the left tower go?”
53.“Smell something, you say? Nah, there’s no smell of smoke here. No need for you to go into the basement, either. Heh, heh, heh… I’ll just go downstairs with this fire extinguisher for, you know, target practice.”
54.“Excuse me, sir, but theoretically, what would happen if someone summoned, ohhh, let’s say, a major demon who introduces himself as "Envoy of Shadows"?”
55.“With this body in my possession I shall now rule the world!! HAHAHAHAH!!”
56.“Ah, sir? You know that fire elemental you had in your control?”
57.(buffy quote) "Bored now!"
58.*absolute silence, hour after hour*… “AAARRRGHHHHH!!!!! You damned apprentice!!! I know you are up to something! I can hear you breathing!! Where are you??? Say something!!!! You’re driving me CRAAAAZY!!!!”(moral: sometimes a silent apprentice is more terrifying that an apprentice who opens his mouth without thinking)
59.“I was just in the library, Master, and was wondering: do you have a Xerox machine?”
60.“Master, I was messing around with some charcoal, sulphur and potassium nitrate in you lab, and I guess it got too close to the fire…”
61.“Master, I have an IMPORTANT safety tip for you…”
62.“So I mixed the glycerine, nitric acid and sulphuric acid together in that pot that was hanging over the fire in your library…”
63.“You do have backup copies of all your books, right?”
64.“Please tell me another. Pllllleaaaase! Oh please, Master. I just love your stories. Oh, goodie! Thank you! Wow, that apprentice sounds real funny and… wait, that sounds like something I did. Now, wait a minute, I did the same thing. And the master did WHAT to the apprentice? If I was the apprentice I woul…” *bright light floods the room as the apprentice explodes*
65.“Well, I wanted to find out if it’s true that cats always land on their feet!”
66.“We have to do this ritual on a full moon?? I go all funny on a fu…*SNARL*…”
67.“Cauldron? I thought it was the soup!!”
68.“I swear, Master, Statesman has _nooooo_ sense of humor! When I told him all the jokes you’ve been telling about him, he didn’t laugh at all.”
69.“But we are all out of candles, so I used lanterns to surround the pentacle instead.”
70.“You didn’t have a familiar, did you?”
71.“WHAT pentagram?”
72.“Oh, THAT book! Nope, never saw it.”
73.“It’s just coffee. A little soap, some warm water, a clean rag and the book will be as good as new!”
74.“That nice man in leathers and leather jacket with satanic motifs paid me 20 bucks to deliver this box to you. It must be some kind of clock!”
75.“Don’t feel bad, boss. At least the OTHER demon didn’t break free!”
76.“This hunky tattooed guy stopped by to borrow a cup of flour, he said. When I turned around, he was gone!… along with most of your artefacts!”
77.“These ritual components sure make a mean stew!”
78.“No, you go first… I went first last time!”
79.“Please, Master, allow me to light your smoking pipe with my Fire Blast…” *FOOOOMP* “Uh, I’m sure your eyebrows will grow again, sir!”
80.“Master, you are gonna laugh when you hear this… I was practicing my Inferno in the Library, and guess what?!… It worked!!”
81.“EUREKA, MASTER!! I’ve finally done it! I’ve created Universal Solvent… ‘cept it seems to be eating right through the earth and I don’t know how to neutralize it.”
82.“You _did_ write a will, didn’t you, Master?”
83.“Hey, Master, listen to this Ritual: ‘As you read this Ritual of Garbled Speech, you and all those around you will gradually begome unabelled to gomunigate in da unbestanbable wanblage tan bill bespeak uddel nonblends wabba dabba yabba…”
84.“Hey, Master, remember how you keep telling me that I should always look on the bright side of things? Well, you should be happy because today, ONE of your demons didn’t break free…”
85. "Master, that Magic Fire Tanker dame next door asked me to tell you that if you don't take her to the party at Pocket D she'll turn you into a dress and WEAR you there..."
(more or less)101 Things You Don't Want to hear your Magic Sidekick Say....
1.“Was that rune inscribed on the cage important?”
2.“Want some help?”
3.“Could you come down here? I mean, _now_?”
4.“Quick! How does one _unsummon_ a demon lord?”
5.“I wonder what does this do…”
6.“Remember that fiend overlord you _had_ imprisoned down in the cellar? Well…”
7.“Oooops…!”
8.“Was I supposed to light the candles around the pentagram?”
9.“I finally shot that owl that had been following you around.”
10.“HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!!”
11.“How do you control something once it gets out of the pentagram?”
12.“The warding circle for this demon wasn’t continuous before, was it?”
13.“What happens if I mix these two together?”
14.“How was I supposed to know she was a succubus?”
15.“You don’t happen to have a “Instant Banishment” as part of your secondary pool power, do you?… Oh, no reason…”
16.“Uh-ho…”
17.“Did I err?”
18.“But you didn’t tell me I COULDN’T do that!”
19.“Hey, I bet I can do that better than you can!”
20.“Study? I’m too good for that!”
21.“When do I get to make things go BOOOOOOOMM?”
22.“Oh, that component was worth THAT much?”
23.“Work? Why? I summoned your demon archvillain to do it!… Of course I had to erase the pentagram! What do you think I am, an idiot?”
24.“But this was supposed to be foolproof!”
25.“I don’t understand!”
26.“Hey, you do you think you are, my teacher?”
27.“Master, I kinda forgot to feed your familiar.”
28.“Those books do burn!”
29.“Uhh… you know that nubile virgin you brought in last night? Well, we started talking and… uhhh… one thing led to another…”
30.“What’s in this bottle? *POP* Uhhh… uh-ho…”
31.“Master is it pronounced ‘HAStur HAStur HAStur’ or ‘HasTUR HasTUR HasTUR’?”
32.“Oh, I threw it away.”
33.“Catch!”
34.“Umm… you might not want to go in the basement…”
35.“Remember how you told me not to lie anymore? Well, Azuria dropped by to say hello. I told her you said she was a talentless bag of wind. She wants to meet you tomorrow at Warburg.”
36.“Psst, Master… I forgot to mention that my robes dragged off some of the chalk on the five-pointed star that the Fiend Overlord is standing on now…”
37.“Did you ever wondered what black cats tasted like? *BURP*”
38.“Sir, you will be pleased with what I have just done. I have sent all those old and dusty tomes to the recycling centre!”
39.“But Master, I did my best to make you unseen during the Circle of Thorns ritual with my Grant Invisibility! How would I know I could just affect your clothes?”
40.“Master, uh, you know your alchemy lab? How much do you suppose it would cost to get a new one?”
41.“Oh, THAT was your familiar??”
42.“I thought this ritual required a five-pointed star.”
43.“There is a Dark Paladin to see you, sir.”
44.“There was a tiny pesky flying lizard around here, but I put out poisoned meat for it…”
45.“You mean the bottle actually was… ahem… Sir, please insert your index finger in your mouth…”
46.“Swallow a goldfish? ALIVE?”
47.“Uhh, Master, sorry to disturb your ritual-writing. You wouldn’t possibly have seen my bottle of invisible ink, would you?
48.(Loudly) “WHAT AN ILLUSION, MASTER! INFERNAL WILL *NEVER* FIGURE THAT OUT!”
49.“I managed to learn Team Flight, sir. Now, without you looking down, could you tell me how to control it?”
50.“I shall make sure my Blazing Aura is not activated before touching Master… I shall make sure my Blazing Aura is not activated before touching Master… I shall make sure…”
51.“Uhh, sorry for falling asleep, Master. Now, could you do that ritual ONE more time?”
52.“Hey… where’d the left tower go?”
53.“Smell something, you say? Nah, there’s no smell of smoke here. No need for you to go into the basement, either. Heh, heh, heh… I’ll just go downstairs with this fire extinguisher for, you know, target practice.”
54.“Excuse me, sir, but theoretically, what would happen if someone summoned, ohhh, let’s say, a major demon who introduces himself as "Envoy of Shadows"?”
55.“With this body in my possession I shall now rule the world!! HAHAHAHAH!!”
56.“Ah, sir? You know that fire elemental you had in your control?”
57.(buffy quote) "Bored now!"
58.*absolute silence, hour after hour*… “AAARRRGHHHHH!!!!! You damned apprentice!!! I know you are up to something! I can hear you breathing!! Where are you??? Say something!!!! You’re driving me CRAAAAZY!!!!”(moral: sometimes a silent apprentice is more terrifying that an apprentice who opens his mouth without thinking)
59.“I was just in the library, Master, and was wondering: do you have a Xerox machine?”
60.“Master, I was messing around with some charcoal, sulphur and potassium nitrate in you lab, and I guess it got too close to the fire…”
61.“Master, I have an IMPORTANT safety tip for you…”
62.“So I mixed the glycerine, nitric acid and sulphuric acid together in that pot that was hanging over the fire in your library…”
63.“You do have backup copies of all your books, right?”
64.“Please tell me another. Pllllleaaaase! Oh please, Master. I just love your stories. Oh, goodie! Thank you! Wow, that apprentice sounds real funny and… wait, that sounds like something I did. Now, wait a minute, I did the same thing. And the master did WHAT to the apprentice? If I was the apprentice I woul…” *bright light floods the room as the apprentice explodes*
65.“Well, I wanted to find out if it’s true that cats always land on their feet!”
66.“We have to do this ritual on a full moon?? I go all funny on a fu…*SNARL*…”
67.“Cauldron? I thought it was the soup!!”
68.“I swear, Master, Statesman has _nooooo_ sense of humor! When I told him all the jokes you’ve been telling about him, he didn’t laugh at all.”
69.“But we are all out of candles, so I used lanterns to surround the pentacle instead.”
70.“You didn’t have a familiar, did you?”
71.“WHAT pentagram?”
72.“Oh, THAT book! Nope, never saw it.”
73.“It’s just coffee. A little soap, some warm water, a clean rag and the book will be as good as new!”
74.“That nice man in leathers and leather jacket with satanic motifs paid me 20 bucks to deliver this box to you. It must be some kind of clock!”
75.“Don’t feel bad, boss. At least the OTHER demon didn’t break free!”
76.“This hunky tattooed guy stopped by to borrow a cup of flour, he said. When I turned around, he was gone!… along with most of your artefacts!”
77.“These ritual components sure make a mean stew!”
78.“No, you go first… I went first last time!”
79.“Please, Master, allow me to light your smoking pipe with my Fire Blast…” *FOOOOMP* “Uh, I’m sure your eyebrows will grow again, sir!”
80.“Master, you are gonna laugh when you hear this… I was practicing my Inferno in the Library, and guess what?!… It worked!!”
81.“EUREKA, MASTER!! I’ve finally done it! I’ve created Universal Solvent… ‘cept it seems to be eating right through the earth and I don’t know how to neutralize it.”
82.“You _did_ write a will, didn’t you, Master?”
83.“Hey, Master, listen to this Ritual: ‘As you read this Ritual of Garbled Speech, you and all those around you will gradually begome unabelled to gomunigate in da unbestanbable wanblage tan bill bespeak uddel nonblends wabba dabba yabba…”
84.“Hey, Master, remember how you keep telling me that I should always look on the bright side of things? Well, you should be happy because today, ONE of your demons didn’t break free…”
85. "Master, that Magic Fire Tanker dame next door asked me to tell you that if you don't take her to the party at Pocket D she'll turn you into a dress and WEAR you there..."
