Post by Lu on May 31, 2008 7:09:15 GMT
All,
I wanted to explain a little bit about why I disappeared so suddenly from the game and why I have been away for so long. It might be disjointed, and the grammar or sentences might not be great, but I hope it helps you understand even if only a little.
Basically, I have been suffering from Depression.
I completely lost myself and lost who I am. I became some one else to try and escape from everything, from the Depression, from the things I saw as causing the depression, from life.
I seriously thought about suicide. More than once. But it was thinking about it when I was with friends and meant to be relaxing and escaping from life that I completely broke down and realised I needed help.
I was terrified at what was happening to me and how I was feeling. I did not feel as though I had any control over any aspects of my life.
Realised I had been shutting out the people who could help, the people who wanted to help.
Realised I couldn't do things on my own and needed to lean on friends.
Needed distance from virtual world
Needed to concentrate on finding me.
After counseling & anti-depressant tablets, things are improving.
I discovered that I have been acting as a chameleon with people. Changing who I am to be the person I think they want me to be so that they will like me. This sounds very shallow and a stupid thing to do, but until recently I did not know I was doing it. It explained so much to me and helps me understand how I completely lost me in an effort to be one of 'the popular crowd'
I have let some people down during this process. Friends, family, people in CoX. At the time I was living my depression it was all consuming and I did not have a real view of life. I would like to apologise to anyone I let down, particularly when I left the game with very little warning and took myself away to learn who I am and mend myself.
But I have now learnt a lot about me and who I am
I am stronger, partly because I have grown and partly because I know I have people who I know love and support me and who I can lean on when I am feeling weak, scared or lonely.
I see people in the FA as friends.
I have learnt that to build a friendship, you need to be willing to share a little of yourself.
This is me, sharing something of myself with you all.
I am not looking for sympathy. Just for you to listen / read without judging
For you to accept me for who I am. I might appear to be a different person from the person I was previously, the person you thought you knew.
Inside it is still me. I am just letting me out more and hoping you will accept me for who I am and not the person I think you want me to be.
I wanted to explain a little bit about why I disappeared so suddenly from the game and why I have been away for so long. It might be disjointed, and the grammar or sentences might not be great, but I hope it helps you understand even if only a little.
Basically, I have been suffering from Depression.
I completely lost myself and lost who I am. I became some one else to try and escape from everything, from the Depression, from the things I saw as causing the depression, from life.
I seriously thought about suicide. More than once. But it was thinking about it when I was with friends and meant to be relaxing and escaping from life that I completely broke down and realised I needed help.
I was terrified at what was happening to me and how I was feeling. I did not feel as though I had any control over any aspects of my life.
Realised I had been shutting out the people who could help, the people who wanted to help.
Realised I couldn't do things on my own and needed to lean on friends.
Needed distance from virtual world
Needed to concentrate on finding me.
After counseling & anti-depressant tablets, things are improving.
I discovered that I have been acting as a chameleon with people. Changing who I am to be the person I think they want me to be so that they will like me. This sounds very shallow and a stupid thing to do, but until recently I did not know I was doing it. It explained so much to me and helps me understand how I completely lost me in an effort to be one of 'the popular crowd'
I have let some people down during this process. Friends, family, people in CoX. At the time I was living my depression it was all consuming and I did not have a real view of life. I would like to apologise to anyone I let down, particularly when I left the game with very little warning and took myself away to learn who I am and mend myself.
But I have now learnt a lot about me and who I am
I am stronger, partly because I have grown and partly because I know I have people who I know love and support me and who I can lean on when I am feeling weak, scared or lonely.
I see people in the FA as friends.
I have learnt that to build a friendship, you need to be willing to share a little of yourself.
This is me, sharing something of myself with you all.
I am not looking for sympathy. Just for you to listen / read without judging
For you to accept me for who I am. I might appear to be a different person from the person I was previously, the person you thought you knew.
Inside it is still me. I am just letting me out more and hoping you will accept me for who I am and not the person I think you want me to be.
