Awake

[viessa]

((2 nights ago Viessa left Veskit after a talk on the beach, making a remark about something, or someone of her past that she needed to deal with. When she returned, almost out of impulse she was forced to get up and leave Kelly and the others at GG with the same reasoning... this is basicly the story of what happened with Viessa, and why she's so shaken up lately. This will probably show a good portion of Viessa's past, as well as give plot info for what I intend to have happen to her in the future... I know there's usally not many comments on these storys... but I'd actualy like a few responses telling me if I totaly suck at this writing thing or if I should continue. XD. Thanks in advanced to all the people that give me pointers btw :3.))
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She was a very disturbed child... terrible, debilitating nightmares.

Hallucinations.

Hysteria.

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The Rogue Isles... Viessa hated this place. No, hate was too kind of a word... she despised this place. It was disgusting to her... anything related to her mother was disgusting to her. She looked out into the expanse of Sharkhead Isle, it was always one of the more interesting locals of the Rogue Isles... a man who dubbed himself Scrapyard made his legacy here not to long ago, before he was murdered in cold blood... such was the way of Villainy, Viessa guessed.

Villainy... she remembered watching, her mother using her like a doll for her own agenda as she was trapped in the back of her own mind. She tried to forget, she tried so hard to forget. Ves was right... she really was the opposite side of the coin, you would figure that if someone was raised in such a evil lifestyle it would just stick with them. Not for Viessa, never for Viessa. The thought of what she was forced to do appalled her so.

The 18 year old girl closed her eyes... too young she was told. To young to be trudged though the evil things she's seen... But recently she was introduced to a means of escape. A person who would make her forget about her past.

Everything bad went away when she thought about her, about Kelly.

Viessa closed her eyes, smiling, thinking about Kelly. Everything would be fine when she got back to Paragon, Viessa would sit next to her, snuggle up with her, and they could just talk... The thoughts made her shiver. Everything would be fine. All she needed to do was to destroy whatever was left of mother. And in order to kill whatever was left of her mother, she would need her mother's sword.

Its been two days since she... her mother showed herself. It was a slap in the face to everything Viessa's done. That man... that hero who saved her, stripped Jessika from her soul... Viessa killed him in a state of confusion... it was the very worst moment of her life. He smiled at Viessa though, satisfied that he saved her life from that daemon of a mother... For Viessa to know that the hero's work, his death was all in vein... that her mother could come back and haunt her whenever she felt like it... it brought poor Viessa to tears. She can't... no... she wont allow it. And the thought of her mother possessing her around her friends, around Kelly. Fuck that, she refused to let mother anywhere near Kelly.

Viessa arrived.

"Totally empty... Its to be expected I guess..."

Viessa murmured to herself absently. Before her stood an apartment in the slums, from the outside there was nothing at all conspicuous about it... but upon entering, taking a left down the hall, there was a very particular room. And in this particular room there was an elevator, and down this elevator there was a particularly secret Crey facility... Viessa squinted her eyes... pain. Her eyes burned in pain... Her entire head erupted in pain soon after. Viessa slumped to the side of the elevator, closing her eyes tightly. The lift suddenly began to move downward on its own accord.

"Maybe... maybe this was a mistake..."

"Or maybe... it was fate?"

Mother.

Viessa attempted to protest, but a squeal of pain escaped her lips as her head began to feel as if it was about to be crushed.

"My dear girl, you are far stronger then that. Unless I'm perhaps mistaking you for someone else, which I highly doubt mind you."

Viessa could at first only whimper in response. "Y-Your one to talk... I... I'm here to kill you..."

"Kill me?" The voice sounded amused. "My dear girl, you know so little..."

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She never had a chance at a normal life, we soon realized Viessa was possessed, her psychic potential far more powerful then any we've seen in a child, we soon realized her psychic wavelengths were equal to her mothers. She was extremely sensitive to the negative emotions to people, she would run away, sobbing, terrified, and the amount of minds she destroyed when in her fits were catastrophic.

And instead of seeking to help her, as per my brothers original intents, I sought to control her.

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Ever cautious... Viessa stalked the corridors silently, she promised Ves she would be okay. That she would survive. She struggled to remember just where exactly her mother left the sword, her sword. There was no doubt in Viessa's mind that if her mothers soul was linked to something, that had to be the sword. At first she was convinced that the sword was the key to killing mother, but her belief quickly changed in that elevator. This was turning out to be far more dangerous then she originally intended.

"My dear girl, you truly expect me to KILL you? Perhaps your more ignorant then I thought."

"I do not expect you to kill me mother, I expect a fate far worse then death from you." She said shakely, looking around. "Stop... stop hiding from me."

A shrill, dark laughter filled the hallway.

"Hide? Oh my DEAR girl, why would I hide from you? Mmmmmm? Your thoughts certainly are amusing..."

This was getting way out of hand... Viessa began to panic, running down the hallway as fast as she could. It was a god damned maze, silver corridor which lead into another silver corridor. It hardly mattered, she ran as fast as she could.

"Interesting... Do you have no love of yourself Daughter? No Confidence? Perhaps this is far worse then I thought."

Viessa hit a dead end, looking around nervously. "W-What do you care?"

No response.

"What do you care?!" Viessa screamed, the tears began to flow now. "You NEVER cared! You only forced death upon me! You never allowed me to progress, to live, you locked me away! I'm a naive, scared girl and its all your fault!"

Shaking, she hugged herself tightly. "You... you ruined me! And now you TOY with me!" She began to slump back into a corner, sobbing. "I... I want Kelly! D-Don't lock me away again! I want to be with her! Please! Your going to posses me and keep me away from her! Or... or kill her! I'm sorry I came here, just don't hurt her!"

Yet again, no answer. And Viessa began to cry.

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She was six years old when her personality began to change. We brought her to the chamber for further study... Just as Crey did with her mother, we desired her power for our own. And as we sought to unlock the secrets to her drastic differences from her mother, she screamed and she screamed, and she kept screaming until the green smoke filled her lungs.

It is the way of men to make monsters, and it is the nature of monsters to kill there makers.

May my daughter and granddaughter forgive me for my sins.

[Shadowe]

((Oooh, me likey. However, literary criticism time, as you asked: I only have one problem with it, other than the odd tiny spelling mistake. You use elipses (those three little dots ... ) far too much for my taste. This may sound odd, coming from someone who uses them all the damn time while I'm RPing (Yes, everyone, I do know), but in the written word (as opposed to signifying a speech pattern in quoted words), they don't help the text flow.

Here's how I would re-write the first paragraph - not changing any words, just adjusting the emphasising punctuation:

The Rogue Isles. Viessa hated this place. No, hate was too kind of a word - she despised this place. It was disgusting to her. Anything related to her mother was disgusting to her.

She looked out into the expanse of Sharkhead Isle: It was always one of the more interesting locales of the Rogue Isles. A man who dubbed himself 'Scrapyard' made his legacy here not to long ago, before he was murdered in cold blood... such was the way of Villainy, Viessa guessed.

(And damn but it was hard not to change any of the words )

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with the use of elipses - in fact, you'll note that I left the last one in, because in that sentence it does add strength to the words - but most of the time a full-stop, acting like a slamming door on a statement, does the job.

That's it. That's the only thing that I think could even be considered "wrong" with it. I love the story; the tantalising hints of her dark past; the intrusion of her mother in her current life; the final statement the adds so much drama to the tale. It's great. I want more.))

[viessa]

There was nothing but static on her comm, she was totaly cut off from the alliance.

"Hello?! Anyone, please! I... I need someone, anyone!"

She was screaming now, going into hysterics, this was way out of her league and she knew it.

"A-Anyone..."

She slumped down to the floor, tears overflowing now. She was going to die down here, she felt it. She made the biggest mistake of her life, she should have left things alone. Things were rough, yes. But as long as her mother was down here in the vault, she could never truly clame her... could she?

"Thats where you are wrong child."

Viessa shrieked, running blindly down the hall.

"Typical. Eleven years of death and all you can do is flee in terror when danger is around the corner? Pathetic. I'm almost ashamed of you."

Another dead end. Viessa was breathing heavly now.

"What do you care?!"

The lights turned out, everything was pitch black. In fact, it was so bad that the only sound that could be heard was her ragid breath. The only sights were the endless darkness of the hallways. Viessa's eyes slowly ajusted, when suddenly something passed her. Fast.

"That, my dear daughter, is your fate if you don't buck up."

Viessa felt it again, shrieking and backing up against a wall. The lights turned on, and before her stood what looked to be an exact copy of her. But she was bloody, disfigured, ghastly. Her body was covered with cuts, bruses. She was hunched over, it was a disgusting sight... as if Viessa was looking at herself though some sort of nightmare. The ghastly vision screamed a blood curling scream, then dissapeared. Viessa looked on, horrified.

"W-What... what's going..."

A bright flash, and before Viessa stood her mother.

"Stand up child. Now."

Viessa did what she was told. Jessika, her mother, scrutinized her.

"You come here to kill me, yet you cower like a child. Typical of you." She nearly spat it out. "Very well. Three hours, you have three hours to kill me. Otherwise you once again belong to me."

Viessa's head was a vortex of chaos, did her mother really mean that? What was going on here anyway? Viessa was to terrified to speak now, simply nodding dumbly. Viessa's mother dissapeared once again.

"You know what you need... and you know what to do. Three hours."

Viessa wiped her tears away, "G-Gods..." trying to work up her nerve, she looked down the hallway. There she was again, that ghastly version of herself, looking her right in the eyes. It smirked far, far beyond what a normal person should be capable of. And just as soon as she appeared, she was gone again.

"Oh, and do be careful... someone familiar is here as well. Lucky you."

And suddenly the atmosphere was silent. The static on her Comm was gone... this was it. If she were to back out, this would be the time. Viessa bit her lip, leaning back against the wall.

"I can do this. I can..."

She slowly began to walk down the hall, someone familiar? Did mother mean that ghost, the one that looks just like her? How would she be able to fight that? The fear began to build up in Viessa again.

"M-Maybe I can't do this..."

She was about to round a corner, but... something caught her ear. She quickly pressed her back against the wall.

"Boss says he wants wants the vault sealed up completly."

It was a man, deep voice. It was somewhat, how do you say, robotic. Like it was being transmited though a radio. Viessa tweaked around with her alliance comm. It WAS a radio broadcast, she could hear it clear as a bell.

"We're going in to close it? I thought this was Recon."

The second person made himself known.

"It is. Those Crey suits are comming down once we've secured the facility. They're going to pick up whatever they need and then locking this whole place down for good."

Viessa made a concerned face, crey was here, of all days too. Was this just a rediculious coincidence? And a total lock down?

"They're after mother too..." Viessa said it to herself, barely a whisper.

"No shit?" the second one stated plainly.

"Yeah, in fact. We've been given direct orders to commence lockdown in three hours, regardless if the suits are done or not. This must be some sensitive stuff if they're this paranoid about it."

Suddenly things were adding up.

"Wait, what was that? Something on the radio."

Viessa inhaled, turning off her comm.

"Someone was on our channel. Must be close by, go check it out."

Damn it, damn it, damn it. Viessa's hand slowly went to her Katana's hilt.

"Thats a good girl... now prove your worth."